non-conformity

I’ve often felt like a black sheep, not quite fitting in with the others.

But then I heard someone say that identifying as an outsider can also be a way to avoid risking vulnerability. As in, “They just don’t get me,” let’s me off the hook for having to make the effort it takes to connect.

We need the group for survival, but what if we don’t agree or want to be a part of it?

Quitting drinking has been maybe my biggest act of non-conformity and also probably the most empowering thing I have ever done for myself.

Any other black sheep out there?

loyalty

Loyalty seems to imply that we’ve found something or someone that works for us, that is mutually beneficial and we want to keep in our life. That is comforting and eliminates some aspects of struggle but I do wonder, since we are forever evolving, it’s probably a good idea to revisit our loyalties and check that they are still aligned with who we have become?

Otherwise we’re just clinging to what we know out of comfort, but maybe we’re missing out on something better for who we are today.

What do you think?

SPIRITUALITY

This card made me a little tingly at first, because it feels vulnerable to share and even to talk about something I rarely put into words. But hey, that’s what I’m here for so let’s go! 

I used to link spirituality with church and although I was raised attending and even participating in the rituals of the Episcopal church, I always had a lot of questions that I couldn't’ even form, let alone get answers to. My family went along with church to the effect that it was a center point of our community, a place to gather and to socialize. What was taught, discussed or the work that the church did didn’t seem too concerning to me or my family.

Then I had a phase where I would say something like “I’m spiritual, but not religious” which I still think is mostly true. It seems obvious to me that there is something "out there" bigger than anything I can comprehend.  I believe that organized religion has caused more pain and suffering in the world and empowered Patriarchy on a level that is deeply pervasive and omnipresent. 

In recovery circles there can be language around surrendering to a higher power, however that is determined by individuals and this felt closer to right for me. However, I definitely cannot fathom an old white man in a beard floating on a cloud in heaven directing the show down on earth, or even that God is a HE, or human... it just seems unimaginative to me.

Lately I am coming to believe that spirit is the animating force that compels us to do probably everything that we do, and it is in my best interest to nurture this relationship so that I can participate to the best of my ability.

Rainn Wilson said in an interview with Oprah once that “making art is a form of prayer” and that has stuck with me since. It stuck with Oprah too, because I have also heard her quote him many times. When I heard this I felt an unlocking, a knowing because yes, that is what art is for me too.

I’m not making art to be hung in a gallery, or even really ever seen by anyone. I’ve started sharing some of it because I want to bring others along, but it is not the final product that I am working for, it’s the act of putting together the pieces. This is a prayer because it is my unique interpretation, flavor, fingerprints even, in the work itself. 

When I open my art journal, or stand in front of a big blank piece of paper, I am opening up a portal with the divine. I am allowing something bigger to take over, to move me, to inspire me, and together we co-create. The final pieces evoke emotion, or memory, or new connections for me. 

Putting together this piece for “spirituality” I felt like grabbing my favorite mop brush and making some circles. This is fun for me. This is me trusting the process, this is me connecting with and following my intuition. Acting on my intuition, and this is perhaps where spirit lies. My intuition is stronger because I practice listening to it, even in these small ways on the page. It’s a relationship that I cherish, that has guided me towards truth time and time again. The image of the angel and the butterflies was already out on my cutting board, waiting for the right time.

Making art is my spiritual practice, it’s how I connect with and celebrate “a power greater than myself, grounded in love.” as the card suggests.

adventure

I’ve spent my life seeking adventure, and have been lucky enough to experience parts of the world very different from where I came from.

I seek novelty and feel constrained by routine. It has served me well, and also I struggle to be ok with boredom.

I have had to work at being ok with the mundane parts of life, and to appreciate them too.

Are you ready to begin your creative journey back to yourself?